How many of you have spent a lot of time rehearsing to put on a show? You spend weeks and months and maybe even years getting ready to go on stage and face the public and bare yourself and your creative skills to the judgment of the public. To dare their criticism or praise is one of the most nerve-wracking things a person can do in my opinion.
And this is why I’m struggling so hard now that I am ready to launch my book. Its so bad I am fighting very hard against throwing up my hands throwing what I have out onto the internet for free and hide under my bed sobbing.
I have stagefright, or at least the writer’s version thereof. Apparently it’s an issue I’ve struggled with all my life and I’m putting it out here for all to see not to garner sympathy but in an effort to not let it ruin my designs again.
On another hand, this reminds me of two points friends have brought up to me in the past.
First, once again, Thank you Mr. Lawrence who brought front and center to my attention the Hero’s Journey. Not as it only applies to my writing but also how it applies to my life. “The treasure you seek is in the cave you fear to enter,” he said ever so sagely in his soft southern lilt. And dammit if this isn’t the cave I fear to enter. Which means I have to enter it if for nothing more than to avoid the SECOND bit of wisdom on the subject.
Another friend, Fran, she had reminded me a long time ago that God will continually bring us back to the same point in which we failed, hoping that this time around we will surpass the challenge. Much like being forced to beat an challenge on the obstacle course. So I have my very own angelic R. Lee Ermy shouting at my Gomer Pyle self to the top of the wall get my butterball ass over the top.
So. The next steps are far harder than I thought they would be. Who knew, right? But it’s time for me to get on that stage and perform.
Think of them as passengers lol. Tell them to sit down, shut up and enjoy the ride. So with a book, tell them, shut up, by my book and enjoy the read! I never had stage fright, so my advice might be off the mark. I use to play in a band (two actually) and had some moderate local success, the largest venue sold 10k tickets for some benefit. There’s also teaching to 150 students and in both cases, I didnt have a chance to fear anything. You have to move on.
Fear of success is greater than fear of failure, I think it’s a quote and I know somebody that suffered from this. Maybe that was my reason for saying “the hell with it” and pushing on. This woman had an amazing talent, played Carnegie Hall with a standing ovation, and yet she died without recording a thing. I actually despise her (for other reasons) but her sin of hiding in obscurity, to me, is unforgivable. So I promised myself I will not hold back, even if it costs me my life.
Thou art braver than I in some regards. Of course, in regards to music, I have conquered much of my fear thanks to being in choirs. I still remember how terrifying it was to sing for local television as well as with the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra. I was fortunate to have had lots of musical training as a child and you do just have to push through that horrible membrane of fear and do what you were trained to. Very much a sensation I suspect you get in grander scale with combat. I know what life or death fear is like too, so yes, the two are very similar in form, just varying in scale.
I’ll revert back to what I told my kids on the school bus “Siddown, Shuddup and don’t bite your neighbor!” (inspired by real events).