My last two personal posts chronicled the destruction of my elbow by willful malice of gravity and the failure of friction to do its job, I want to talk a little on the aftermath of that day.
For a few weeks, I was unable to use my arm after surgery. In fact, my surgeon went so far as to warn me that my soft tissue damage from the fall was severe and my size was a threat to even having my arm recover. It was suggested that the worst case scenario was that I might have to have it amputated at the elbow if things went horribly wrong! You bet your sweet bippie I was very very cautious about moving it at all. Every bump and wobble scared the crap out of me. ( as an aside, I saw my surgeon for the second year check up, on Friday have been informed he is extremely happy with the surgical repair done to my elbow. Considering the degree of soft tissue damage and reconstruction that he had to do, apparently this is one of his best jobs that he has worked on. That gives me great confidence and it is nice to see a man who has done so many of these be so happy to see me every time I have to go in. God has blessed me so greatly in putting my surgeon in my life at a time when I needed such help.)
But over time, I was able to finally move my arm far enough to reach my mouse and play games. I was still gorked out of my mind at times on pain meds. Something I really did not like, and thankfully avoided addiction with some ease. As I came out of my stupor I started getting bored being by myself. I’m not a very social person to begin with, but days were blurring and I was getting itchy to go out and about or do something, but could not.
When you have an active mind to begin with, you can get bored really easy. Salvation in this manner came in two parts. First, a friend on Facebook mentioned that the game “Mechwarrior Online” was out. I’ve been a gamer since the Atari 2600 and RPGs since the same time. Loved Battletech, and the Mechwarrior videogame series. So I said, ‘what the hey?’, and fired up the computer to download it and play.
What an experience! The game was fascinating to me at the time. But quickly, as I got killed over, and over and over again in Player vs. Player battles (which is all the game is) I got frustrated. My frustration was boiling over to full rage-quit mode, and feeling very depressed because it was also still so isolated. Nobody was there to talk to or associate with. I was beating my head against a wall and only making my head mushy.
Then I figured out that the game was a team game and I had to join a guild to thrive. Well, I put my name up on the “Mercenary” forum and stated in no uncertain terms how pissed off I was at the game, and was looking for a home for my Christian Conservative sensibilities. I’d seen one Christian unit in the game, and they were a no-profanity league on top of it all, and I swore like a sailor (particularly at this game at that time), so probably a no-go there. A few nibbles happened to my ad, but nothing came to it. They were too hardcore, and I was too new and unskilled.
Then I was contacted by Colonel Alex Reed (His character name, not real)… head of The Seraphim. We struck up a conversation over Doctor Who, (My character’s name is Kjudoon, which is modified from the Judoon… go read this stuff here to get the connections.) and I said I was really interested in the Seraphim, but didn’t think I could hold to the code of honor. (no swearing, taunting, trolling,family friendly, Christian behavior) Did I mention I can be a terrible troll? Oh yeah.
Anyway, long story short, I joined up and cautiously entered a new realm and society! Downloading Teamspeak and chatting with people all over the world who had shared values and interests was an eye opener. I learned to play MWO better, even though my computer could not handle the load, and I was limited severely by it.
So that was 30 miles of bad road to get to the point.
The Seraphim became my social circle in that time, when I did not have a circle of friends to hang with or be supported with during a very dark time in my life. I was having a crisis of faith, a physical crisis and all the while fighting depression from setting in. Having this group of brothers and sisters there to talk with, pray with and play with was something I desperately needed. I am grateful that God put such a place in my life.
It wasn’t until months later that I started realizing that this was truly a unique group. Sure you had Christian guilds out there, but, well, their faith seemed more anecdotal and in the background. Here, they live their faith right out front. I never knew a group of men who would stop playing their hobby when someone came in channel in need, drop everything like a fire brigade and go right to prayer for that person. Their faith is personal and even extends into the games they play. It’s no longer just MWO, but several other games as well.
Its a small community of Christians who play games, not gamers who happen to be Christian. It has no intention of becoming big or famous, but to be a refuge for those who need it most. I will always be grateful that I found it, and have been able to be part of the experience, adding my voice to theirs as I healed, and became as whole as I will ever be again able to pass on the same to others.
As a final note, it looks like my production schedule for resonance point is going to be Mondays and Fridays with Monday’s being personal / autobiographical posts and Fridays be more entertainment / artistic / miscellaneous interest. So I look forward to hear your comments and imports. If there are things that you wish to see or know about feel free to contact me.